My nipple is on Facebook.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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