I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
