Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
