I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
