my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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