So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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