I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
