i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
