Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
A bitchslap is in order.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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