I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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