apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
All I want is dick and wine.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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