I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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