My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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