I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
