Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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