she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
