Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
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