I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
