I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
