God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
