ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
