Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
