When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
