Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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