This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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