yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
