Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
