Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
