Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
