The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
