Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
