Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
