so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
