Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
