John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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