Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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