going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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