Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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