all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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