well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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