I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
