Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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