just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
