If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
