ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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