Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
