Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
