i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
