Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You are the jesus of drinking
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
