Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
