She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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