my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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