We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
