The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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