I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
