I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
