please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
